So as the year is starting and things are starting to come together and as I’m trying my hardest to prioritize my life and find a routine, it seems like this year is going to be one of stretching and God teaching me a lot of lessons. 🙂 I know this should be a good thing and I know it will all turn out alright in the end, but when you’re going through it, it is tough.
Something I have been struggling with lately is failing. Now failing is something I hate doing. I don’t mean to sound conceited or big headed but it really isn’t something I’m used to doing and at this moment I wish it came a lot easier to me. I just hate doing something unless I know I’m good at it. That’s why I hate trying new things sometimes, because I might fail. Well in starting this new semester and new classes it looks like this classload is going to teach me many things about doing something that I’m not exactly good at. I’m struggling in some of my classes and it isn’t something I’m used to and it’s really stressing me out. I know grades shouldn’t stress me out (that was for you mom) but to a certain point I can’t help it. I don’t like not being good at what I’m doing. I feel like failing at things is starting to become a pattern in my life.
So today when I was in the middle of chastizing myself for everything I wasn’t doing good at, I decided to make a list of goals so I can at least have my priorities straight and make me feel better and then I realized “you know what it is not by my strength that I am going to be good at life, I have got to stop depending on myself and thinking that I am just going to sail through life.” I know that I need to depend on God for strength because if I don’t I will for sure fail at everything. I can’t be a good RA or a good student if he is not the center of all that I do. So although I do hate this failing stuff I guess God is trying to teach me a lesson. My weaknesses are becoming known, but God will make me strong and that is my prayer. That he will be glorified even in my weaknesses. And that this lump of clay, will be shaped into what he wants and if that includes going through some failures, I guess that is what has to happen. 🙂
I’m trying to keep a good attitude and remind myself to depend on Christ instead of myself and not get discouraged by earthly things that don’t entirely matter too much, like grades. So if you want to pray with me in that I would greatly appreciate it! It’s just so hard for me to focus on the good when all I feel like I’m doing is not good enough.