Ok so here goes nothing…I know that the few people that really read this are people that care about me (well I hope so) 🙂 and that I know will lift me up in prayer so I’m trying to be honest. I think I’ve come to a breaking point. I’m not sure if any of this will make sense but we’ll just have to see.
I have been struggling lately. Just being in a state of numbness and confusion. I have felt blah some days, great on other days and just clueless overall sometimes. I feel like it’s been a roller coaster ride. I’ve been hurt but am healing and the last few days I’ve just had some things really heavy on my heart and I couldn’t figure it out. I’ve been praying God would open my eyes to what I need to see.
In this time I’ve become broken over my sin. I feel like God has really opened my eyes to the filth and dirtiness of my life and it literally disgusts me. Obviously I’ve always known I’ve sinned and wasn’t perfect but for some reason I feel like I was more blinded to my own sins. I feel like the scales have fallen off my eyes and I not only see myself and what I really look like but also other things in my life.
I’m not sure if this makes sense without going into too much detail but I’ve been praying continually since the summer that God would break my heart for what breaks his and sin breaks his heart. My sin. Your sin. All of human kind’s sin. It’s always easy to look around and realize the sin or be judgmental even of the sins of those around us, but it seems so easy to overlook your own sin.
Realizing and being broken over my own sin has made me more aware of God’s grace and love in my own life and how that extends to other peoples lives also. I’m a sinner in need of a savior and I think I’m starting to fully realize that concept.