Uprooted.

For the last six months a common question I’ve asked myself is this:

What lies need to be uprooted today?

I’m realizing the more work I do to work towards wholeness the more I have to come face to face with my own unhealthiness, with the lies I’ve always believed and the parts of me I would rather not focus on. It’s not always enough to just acknowledge these things…you’ve gotta roll up your sleeves, grab a shovel and do the work to uproot them.

Author Sarah Bessey tells a story about how her family moved to a new house and they kept noticing patches of grass dying and mold growing. They would dig that part up and plant more, but it would just happen again. Come to find out from an old neighbor, a tree used to grow in the yard and after it was cut down the stump was left underground. It was killing the grass above. The grass couldn’t grow in a healthy way until the whole tree stump was uprooted.

I think this is how lies work in our life. Even if we know they’re there, they’re still going to be destructive unless we do the work to uproot them.

At some point we believed that we would never be good enough so every day we seek and strive to show that we are.

At some point we believed that we weren’t pretty enough so we live every day avoiding mirrors or buying the next thing that will make us look better.

At some point we believed that we always had to be strong so we live every day pushing away any weakness that comes up and putting on a happy face.

At some point we believed that one life matters more than another whether that’s because of a difference in skin color, socioeconomic status, birthplace, sexuality or religion so we live every day thankful we’re not like “them”.

At some point we believed that there’s not enough for everyone, that scarcity is the way so we live every day making sure we get what’s ours.

At some point we believed that in order for me to belong someone else can’t so we live every day glancing side to side, trying to stay relevant and not finish last.

At some point we believed that life is black and white and there’s a set of rules to live by so we live every day in shame if don’t stay on the “right” side.

The lies could go on and on. These lies make us live in fear, they make us live in shame, they make us think we’re not enough and the more time that goes on the deeper they take root.

It’s not good enough to just know they’re there. We have to uproot these lies that have grown deep into our souls.

My prayer every day is that God would uproot the lies that have taken root in my soul and that freedom and truth would bloom in their place. It’s hard work, but it’s the best work.

Uprooting these lies and replacing them with truth allows growth to happen. With the lies cleared out, the truths can be planted and actually take root.

So instead…

We believe we are enough and live every day ceasing the striving and resting in our God-breathed worth.

We believe we are beautiful and live every day in confidence that we don’t have to meet any beauty standards, but we’re beautiful because we are who we are.

We believe that no one can be strong all the time and live every day knowing it’s okay to be weak sometimes.

We believe not one life matters more than another and live every day disarming any talk of other and do our part in writing a better story.

We believe that there could be enough for everyone and live every day looking for abundance and how to live with open hands.

We believe that we all belong, we belong to each other and live every day connecting instead of comparing and realizing where I am is not where you are and that’s okay.

We believe that in life there are a whole lot of shades of grey and live every day ripping up our checklist, saying goodbye to shame and living into freedom.

Can you see the new, fresh sprout growing? Can you see the new life that comes when we uproot the lies that poison our souls?

Don’t get me wrong, it is hard, hard work, but it is the most rewarding work.

It’s soul work. It’s “your Kingdom come your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven work.” It’s wholeness work. It’s worth it work.

uproot the lies that have taken root in my soul and that freedom and truth would bloom in their place

Photo courtesy of inhabitat.com

When “Let it Go” Became a Holy Moment.

I know there’s been a lot of buzz around the movie, Frozen, and the song, Let it Go, and while I really liked the movie and the song, I haven’t been quite as obsessed as other people have been. I know most parents are ready to burn the DVD because they’ve watched it so much and their kids won’t stop singing and I can’t hear someone say “let it go” without the song popping in my head, but I haven’t thought too much about it.

About seven months ago I started counseling. (I know, kinda a random jump, I promise I’ll get back to Let It Go, I didn’t just want it to be stuck in your head for the remainder of your time reading this 🙂 ) For whatever reason, there is a stigma around counseling that I think is so completely wrong. Where some people think that going to counseling means you’re broken, something’s wrong with you and you’re crazy, I think it means you’re brave, you realize your mental health is just as important as physical health to be a whole person, and sometimes we need a safe place to let it all out. (and sidenote…we are all broken, we all have something wrong with us and everyone’s a little crazy, but I digress…) I’m not shy about sharing with people that I’m in counseling and how much I love it. (although, I never really thought I would post about it here) I’ve gone to counseling off and on since college and it has always been the best decision I could make.

Counseling this time around has been a little different. Other times I’ve done counseling, it’s been for a specific reason or situation of life I’m dealing with, and this time it was just because, well, of life. There was just so much transition, so many things happening and I had so many feelings and I just felt like I needed to let it all out there to someone who had to listen and not judge. Best decision I’ve made in a long time.

This journey I’ve been on through counseling has helped me arrive to the truth that it’s okay to be who I am. It’s helped me realize the deep issues and struggles I’ve had that made me think I was never going to be enough. It helped me identify the natural tendencies I have that lend towards counting myself as less and shifting to be the person who everyone needs and likes rather than staying true to who I am.

To go into everything that’s come from counseling would be pages and pages of writing, but I will say the last seven months have consisted of some of the hardest, but most rewarding work I have ever done. I am not the same person I was seven months ago. I have discovered who I am and that I don’t have to apologize for that. I have truly realized that I am good enough, just because I am me. I have come to face my issues and work through them and realize it’s okay to feel things besides happy and “good” feelings. I know that my life is my life, no one else’s and I can walk through each day with the knowledge that I am staying true to who I am. I have felt empowered, I have experienced freedom and I know what it means to be whole.

Part of my counseling is something called EMDR therapy (it’s too long to explain what that means here), but it has been incredible what it has done for me. So at one point today, my counselor asked me what I noticed during EMDR and the lyric from Let it Go (you thought I forgot about that by now, didn’t you?) came to my head when she sings, “Here I stand” and then the rest of the song flooded my head.

We decided to play the song at the end of my session, so as I sat there with my eyes closed listening to Let It Go, I felt like I was experiencing a holy moment (after I stopped myself from almost laughing out loud because it seemed a little ridiculous), with the help of a Disney song. It was a moment where I fully realized where I had been, where I was, and where I was going and all I had processed and journeyed through the last seven months. “Here I stand, Here I’ll stay”…this is who I am, this is where I’ll stand, knowing who I am, whose I am and letting go of this “perfect” person I think I should be so that everyone else is happy. While this song played, in that little moment in a small therapy room, I felt like Jesus was there. I felt like I could feel and know my worth and value, that I know the confidence I can have in who I am because I am one who is dearly loved, that I can keep living life unafraid and let go of anything that has made me feel less than enough or that I’m not able to be who I really am. It was a moment of freedom and holiness. Who knew a Disney song could usher in such a moment!

Just in case you don’t know the song I’m talking about, find it here! Also, a sidenote, but if you’re reading this and you actually made it to the end, you should consider looking into counseling! I think it’s something everyone should do in their life and it’s so beneficial for so many reasons, even if you don’t think something is “wrong”, but that’s just my two cents, and not that I’m telling you what to do or anything like that… 😉